Saturday, September 10, 2011

Dear Julie,
Holy cow I suck. I am circling the black hole. I hate it when I get like this. Ugh. I am currently using the last dregs of my strength (you like my overly dramatic visual there?) to force myself to not give in, give up, and just be fat for the rest of my life. I am SO TIRED of the constant ups and downs of this! Holy cow- one minute I'm so motivated and ignoring all bad impulses and seeing some results and the next I take a hit again and then I'm right back to doing everything wrong! ARGHHHHHHHH!!!! I swear to all that is HOLY I am not going to be beat by this. I WILL get back on the wagon- I WILL get healthy, I WILL get this one last major thing I HATE about myself under control. As promised, I am posting my reasons for weight loss (a day late). It's harder than I thought it would be to post these. I don't think we have that many people that read this blog, but these are deeply personal and revealing and its hard to put that out there for the world to judge.

1. So Anna has a healthy mom that she can be proud of and that doesn't get sick or die early.
2. So I don't feel like I have to hide everywhere I go.
3. So my legs don't hurt anymore.
4. So I don't avoid people and activities because I'm fat.
5. So I can wear fun, cute, trendy clothes.
6. So I can ride roller coasters.
7. So I don't feel less than, not good enough, too ugly, too fat.
8. So I am a good example to my patients.
9. So I can keep up with the nursing workload.
10. To prove to myself that I can be in control of myself, and that I can accomplish what I want to accomplish, that I am strong.

1 comment:

  1. Where are you guys??? I've been checking and checking and nothing new :(. I'm officially taking the "accountability commenter" role. Type. Now. Love you girls. Proud of you!